Go the F**k to Sleep is a laugh-out-loud, adults-only bedtime story for parents familiar with the age-old struggle of putting their kids to bed. It is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland.

Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. This subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.

In this delightful, funny, and moving first novel, a librarian and a young boy obsessed with reading take to the road. Lucy Hull, a young children's librarian in Hannibal, Missouri, finds herself both a kidnapper and kidnapped when her favorite patron, ten-year-old Ian Drake, runs away from home.

The precocious Ian is addicted to reading, but needs Lucy's help to smuggle books past his overbearing mother, who has enrolled Ian in weekly antigay classes with celebrity Pastor Bob. Lucy stumbles into a moral dilemma when she finds Ian camped out in the library after hours with a knapsack of provisions and an escape plan.

Desperate to save him from Pastor Bob and the Drakes, Lucy allows herself to be hijacked by Ian. The odd pair embarks on a crazy road trip from Missouri to Vermont, with ferrets, an inconvenient boyfriend, and upsetting family history thrown in their path.

But is it just Ian who is running away? Who is the man who seems to be on their tail? And should Lucy be trying to save a boy from his own parents?

By the creators of Death Note! The mystery behind manga-making revealed!

Average student Moritaka Mashiro enjoys drawing for fun. When his classmate and aspiring writer Akito Takagi discovers his talent, he begs Moritaka to team up with him as a manga-creating duo. But what exactly does it take to make it in the manga-publishing world?

Big changes are in store now that Moritaka and Akito have their very own series in Shonen Jump. Hanging out with their favorite manga creators, hiring assistants, keeping track of the weekly reader surveys—life as a professional manga artist is tough! Can these two survive the pressure?

It’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid for girls in this hilarious novel!

Nikki’s Road to Stardom Checklist:
✔ Diva showdown
✔ BFF feud
✔ Talented entourage to back up VIP (Very Important Pop Star!)

Just when I was starting to get used to life at my new school, this talent competition could change everything!

2 girls + 3 guys + 1 house - parents = 10 things April and her friends did that they definitely, maybe, probably shouldn't have.

If given the opportunity, what sixteen-year-old wouldn't jump at the chance to move in with a friend and live parent-free? Although maybe "opportunity" isn't the right word, since April had to tell her dad a tiny little untruth to make it happen (see #1: "Lied to Our Parents").

But she and her housemate Vi are totally responsible and able to take care of themselves. How they ended up "Skipping School" (#3), "Throwing a Crazy Party" (#8), "Buying a Hot Tub" (#4), and, um, "Harboring a Fugitive" (#7) at all is kind of a mystery to them.

In this hilarious and bittersweet tale, Sarah Mlynowski mines the heart and mind of a girl on her own for the first time. To get through the year, April will have to juggle a love triangle, learn to do her own laundry, and accept that her carefully constructed world just might be falling apart . . . one thing-she-shouldn't-have-done at a time.

When Akito is unable to come up with a storyboard within the time frame he promised, Moritaka decides to break up their partnership! As they go their separate ways to create manga, it may turn out that they're actually headed in the same direction…

Childhood friends Mackensie, Parker, Laurel, and Emmaline have formed a very successful wedding-planning business together. While helping thousands of happy couples organize the biggest day of their lives, three of the four women have all found love themselves - but workaholic Parker remains resolutely single. Her business is her life, and she devotes all her energies to it.

But as she is forced to re-evaluate her friendships, Parker finds that someone is about to divert her focus...

Mechanic Malcolm Kavanaugh loves figuring out how things work, and Parker Brown—with her mile-long legs—is no exception. As a good friend of Parker’s brother, Mal knows that moving from minor flirtation to major hookup is a serious step.

No man has rattled Parker in a long time, but the motorcycle-riding, raven-haired Mal seems to have a knack for it. His passionate kisses always catch her off guard, much like her growing feelings for him. Parker’s business risks have always paid off, but now she’ll have to take the chance of a lifetime with her heart...

Darcy Walker, a 16-year-old boy, navigates the tumultuous waters of adolescence with a sharp wit and an unyielding spirit. He grapples with the typical challenges of teenage life, from social dynamics to the complexities of relationships. Darcy's journey is marked by his interactions with his parents, friends, and the enigmatic Audrey, for whom he harbors a deep infatuation.

Not one to shy away from adventure, Darcy's experiences range from engaging in intellectual battles over chess with his nerdy best friend Noah, to facing the unpredictable elements during a kayaking school excursion. His life is a series of misadventures and learning experiences, all while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. Yet, Darcy's biggest obstacle may just be his inability to keep his mouth shut, a trait that leads to some of the most juicy moments in his impossible life.

A Midsummer's Nightmare? Robin Goodfellow. Puck. Summer Court prankster, King Oberon's right hand, bane of many a faery queen's existence—and secret friend to Prince Ash of the Winter Court.

Until one girl's death came between them, and another girl stole both their hearts.

Now Ash has granted one favor too many, and someone's come to collect, forcing the prince to a place he cannot go without Puck's help—into the heart of the Summer Court.

And Puck faces the ultimate choice—betray Ash and possibly win the girl they both love, or help his former friend turned bitter enemy pull off a deception that no true faery prankster could possibly resist.

An ebook exclusive novella from Julie Kagawa's Iron Fey series.

Was ist das Leben? Eine Wundertüte? Eine Losbude mit zu vielen Nieten? Kleines Drama oder großes Kino?

Eigentlich wollten Felix, Marc und Bernhard nur zusammen fernsehen, doch am nächsten Morgen sitzen sie in Marcs orangefarbenem VW-Bus. Vor ihnen liegt die Reise ihres Lebens. In Südfrankreich wartet ein Haus auf sie, ein Haus am Meer.

Sie lassen die Haare im Fahrtwind wehen, ertrinken beinahe in einem See, werden von der Polizei gejagt und von den Vögeln begleitet. Sie lesen Lilith auf, Typ Scarlett Johansson. Dann stößt Zoe dazu, mit gebrochenem Herzen, und zuletzt Jeanne, die traurige Französin.

Je näher sie dem Ziel ihrer Fahrt kommen, desto brennender wird die eine große Frage: Was ist das Leben?

Und am Ende der Straße steht ein Haus am Meer ...

The 50 contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach, where they could parade in their state-appropriate costumes and compete in front of the cameras. But, sadly, their airplane had another idea, crashing on a desert island and leaving the survivors stranded with little food, little water, and practically no eyeliner.

What’s a beauty queen to do? Continue to practice for the talent portion of the program - or wrestle snakes to the ground? Get a perfect tan - or learn to run wild? And what should happen when the sexy pirates show up?

Welcome to the heart of non-exfoliated darkness.

Heavy is the head—and the eyelids—of the princess who wears the crown...

In Rosamund's realm, happiness hinges on a few simple beliefs:

• For every princess there's a prince.
• The king has ultimate power.
• Stepmothers should never be trusted.
• And bad things come to those who break with Tradition....

But when Rosa is pursued by a murderous huntsman and then captured by dwarves, her beliefs go up in smoke. Determined to escape and save her kingdom from imminent invasion, she agrees to become the guinea pig in one of her stepmother's risky incantations—thus falling into a deep, deep sleep.

When awakened by a touchy-feely stranger, Rosa must choose between Tradition and her future...between a host of eligible princes and a handsome, fair-haired outsider. And learn the difference between being a princess and ruling as a queen.

The moral of the story? Sometimes a princess has to create her own happy endings....

Zombie Man is a thrilling tale of survival in a world overrun by the undead. Follow the protagonist as they navigate through dangerous landscapes, facing challenges at every turn.

This story combines humor with action-packed sequences to create a unique reading experience. Will our hero manage to outsmart the hordes of zombies and find a safe haven?

Join the journey filled with suspense, unexpected twists, and a touch of the paranormal. It's a must-read for anyone who loves a good zombie story with a humorous twist!

Exercises in Style presents a simple plot: a man engages in an argument with another passenger on a bus. However, this anecdote is retold ninety-nine times, each in a radically different style. Imagine it as a sonnet, an opera, in slang, and in many more permutations. This virtuoso set of variations acts as a linguistic rust-remover and a guide to literary forms.

Moritaka and Akito's hard work is paying off, and they start challenging their rival Eiji's popularity in Shonen Jump. But just as they plan to take the next step, the team is hit with a surprising setback. Moritaka and Akito will need the help of their manga artist friends to overcome this hurdle!

Atticus O’Sullivan is the last of the ancient druids. He has been on the run for more than two thousand years and he’s tired of it. The Irish gods who want to kill him are after an enchanted sword he stole in a first-century battle, and when they find him managing an occult bookshop in Tempe, Arizona, Atticus doesn’t want to uproot his life again. He just wants everything to end one way or another, but preferably the way in which he can continue to enjoy fish and chips.

He does have some small hope of survival: The Morrigan, the Irish Chooser of the Slain, is on his side, and so is Brighid, First Among the Fae. His lawyer is literally a bloodsucking vampire, and he has a loyal Irish wolfhound with opinions about poodles. But he’s facing down some mighty enemies: Aenghus Óg, a vengeful Irish god, plus a coven of witches and even the local police. On top of all that, Aenghus has a direct line to the firepower of hell. Atticus will need all the luck of the Irish and more if he’s going to stay alive.

Kelly Mills Johnson becomes restless in her thirty-ninth year. An appetite for more forces her to take stock of her middling middle-American existence and her neighbors' seemingly perfect lives. Her marriage to a successful attorney has settled into a comfortable routine, and being the mother of two adorable sons has been rewarding. But Kelly's own passions lie wasted. She eyes with envy the lives of her two best friends, Kathryn and Charlotte, both beautiful, successful businesswomen who seem to have it all.

Kelly takes charge of her life, devising a midlife makeover plan. From page one, Kelly's witty reflections, self-deprecating humor, and clever tactics in executing that plan—she places Post-it notes all over her house and car—will have readers laughing out loud. The next instant, however, they might rant right along with Kelly as her commitment to a sullen, anorexic teenager left on her doorstep tries her patience or as she deflects the boozy advances of a divorced neighbor.

Readers will need to keep the tissue box handy, too, as Kelly repairs the damage she inflicted on a high school friend; realizes how deeply her husband, Patrick, understands and loves her; and ultimately grows into a woman empowered by her own blend of home and career.

Here, Home, Hope will surely appeal to readers of chick lit and other women's fiction titles who are ready to transition into something new in their own life.

Hi, I'm the guy who reads your e-mail, and also, I love you...

Beth Fremont and Jennifer Scribner-Snyder know that somebody is monitoring their work e-mail. (Everybody in the newsroom knows. It's company policy.) But they can't quite bring themselves to take it seriously. They go on sending each other endless and endlessly hilarious e-mails, discussing every aspect of their personal lives.

Meanwhile, Lincoln O'Neill can't believe this is his job now—reading other people's e-mail. When he applied to be "internet security officer," he pictured himself building firewalls and crushing hackers—not writing up a report every time a sports reporter forwards a dirty joke.

When Lincoln comes across Beth's and Jennifer's messages, he knows he should turn them in. But he can't help being entertained—and captivated—by their stories.

By the time Lincoln realizes he's falling for Beth, it's way too late to introduce himself.

What would he even say...?

If David Sedaris, Chelsea Handler, and Charles Bukowski had ever consummated a threesome, the result would most likely be Shawn Michals, the protagonist of TO LIVE AND DRINK IN L.A.

This series of semi-autobiographical stories follows Shawn as he moves from the Midwest to Los Angeles, and deals with topics such as his stubborn refusal to own either a car or a cellphone, his use of pro wrestling to deal with his manic-depressive mother's suicide, finding meaning in menial jobs, and many other adventures.

Like Shawn often does, readers of this work may find themselves in uncharted territory, while at the same time discovering how one can learn lessons and experience growth in the most unlikely of places, even in a city many people believe to be shallower than a puddle.

If a phone call from a telemarketer can lead to spearheading a march on the Pentagon, as it does for Shawn, anything is possible in the City of Angels.

Cheers.

This beauty is no greenhorn - and she's about to rope the man of her dreams.

Cattleman Bran Turner is left shorthanded during the busy calving season when a bull tramples his hired hand. Rural Wyoming isn't exactly a hotbed of qualified candidates, and the only applicant for the position is the pampered town beauty, Harper Masterson.

The curvy cowgirl gets under Bran's skin at every turn, but with no other options, he reluctantly hires her. When sexual sparks ignite, down-on-her-luck Harper enjoys convincing Bran that not only is she capable of pulling calves, feeding livestock, and handling backbreaking ranch chores, but she doesn't mind getting down and dirty, either.

Harper also discovers the hot-bodied cowboy isn't all work and no horseplay... and he's got more than a few tricks up his sleeve. Bran will learn quickly that Harper is no country mouse - and that she might just have what it takes to stick around for the long haul.

Northern Exposure

Even in Grundy, Alaska, it's unusual to find a naked guy with a bear trap clamped to his ankle on your porch. But when said guy turns into a wolf, recent southern transplant Mo Wenstein has no difficulty identifying the problem.

Her surly neighbor Cooper Graham—who has been openly critical of Mo's ability to adapt to life in Alaska—has trouble of his own. Werewolf trouble. For Cooper, an Alpha in self-imposed exile from his dysfunctional pack, it's love at first sniff when it comes to Mo. But Cooper has an even more pressing concern on his mind. Several people around Grundy have been the victims of wolf attacks, and since Cooper has no memory of what he gets up to while in werewolf form, he's worried that he might be the violent canine in question.

If a wolf cries wolf, it makes sense to listen, yet Mo is convinced that Cooper is not the culprit. Except if he's not responsible, then who is? And when a werewolf falls head over haunches in love with you, what are you supposed to do anyway? The rules of dating just got a whole lot more complicated...

Who are you? It’s the most fundamental of human questions. Are you the type of person who tilts at windmills, or the one who prefers to view them from the comfort of an air-conditioned motorcoach? Our personalities are endlessly fascinating—not just to ourselves but also to our spouses, our parents, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors.

As a highly social species, humans have to navigate among an astonishing variety of personalities. But how did all these different permutations come about? And what purpose do they serve?

With her trademark wit and sly humor, Hannah Holmes takes readers into the amazing world of personality and modern brain science. Using the Five Factor Model, which slices temperaments into the major factors (Extraversion, Neuroticism, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness) and minor facets (such as impulsive, artistic, or cautious), Holmes demonstrates how our genes and brains dictate which factors and facets each of us displays. Are you a Nervous Nelly? Your amygdala is probably calling the shots. Hyperactive Hal? It’s all about the dopamine.

Each facet took root deep in the evolution of life on Earth, with Nature allowing enough personal variation to see a species through good times and bad. Just as there are introverted and extroverted people, there are introverted and extroverted mice, and even starfish. In fact, the personality genes we share with mice make them invaluable models for the study of disorders like depression, schizophrenia, and anxiety. Thus it is deep and ancient biases that guide your dealings with a very modern world.

Your personality helps to determine the political party you support, the car you drive, the way you eat M&Ms, and the likelihood that you’ll cheat on your spouse.

Drawing on data from top research laboratories, the lives of her eccentric friends, the conflicts that plague her own household, and even the habits of her two pet mice, Hannah Holmes summarizes the factors that shape you. And what she proves is that it does take all kinds. Even the most irksome and trying personality you’ve ever encountered contributes to the diversity of our species. And diversity is the key to our survival.

This whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flow chart would have been nice.

Charley Davidson is a part-time private investigator and full-time grim reaper. Meaning, she sees dead people. Really. And it's her job to convince them to go into the light. But when these very dead people have died under less than ideal circumstances (like murder), sometimes they want Charley to bring the bad guys to justice.

Complicating matters are the intensely hot dreams she's been having about an entity who has been following her all her life...and it turns out he might not be dead after all. In fact, he might be something else entirely. But what does he want with Charley? And why can't she seem to resist him? And what does she have to lose by giving in?

With scorching-hot tension and high-octane humor, First Grave on the Right is your signpost to paranormal suspense of the highest order.

Swamplandia! is a fascinating tale set in the heart of the Florida Everglades, where the Bigtree alligator wrestling dynasty is facing a decline. Imagine a world where the enchanting island home and gator-wrestling theme park, Swamplandia!, is being threatened by a new and sophisticated competitor known as the "World of Darkness".

Ava, a resourceful yet terrified twelve-year-old, finds herself managing not only seventy gators but also the vast and inscrutable landscape of her own grief. Her world is turned upside down following the death of her mother, Swamplandia!’s legendary headliner. Meanwhile, her sister is entangled in a ghostly affair with a specter known as the Dredgeman, her brother has defected to the rival park, and her father, Chief Bigtree, is mysteriously absent.

In a bid to save her family, Ava embarks on a perilous journey to a part of the swamp ominously called the "Underworld". This harrowing odyssey leads her through magical swamplands and tests her courage and determination, eventually emerging as a true heroine.

Join Ava on this extraordinary adventure filled with mystery, magic, and humor as she navigates the challenges of her unique world.

That's when I saw him—the cowboy—across the smoky room. I'll never forget that night. It was like a romance novel, an old Broadway musical, and a John Wayne western rolled into one. Out for a quick drink with friends, I wasn't looking to meet anyone, let alone a tall, rugged cowboy who lived on a cattle ranch miles away from my cultured, corporate hometown. But before I knew it, I'd been struck with a lightning bolt... and I was completely powerless to stop it.

Read along as I recount the rip-roaring details of my unlikely romance with a chaps-wearing cowboy, from the early days of our courtship (complete with cows, horses, prairie fire, and passion) all the way through the first year of our marriage, which would be filled with more challenge and strife—and manure—than I ever could have expected.

This isn't just my love story; it's a universal tale of passion, romance, and all-encompassing love that sweeps us off our feet. It's the story of a cowboy. And Wranglers. And chaps. And the girl who fell in love with them.

Martin Swan was not a terrorist, nor a truck driver. He only replied to the want-ad because the wording linked Florida with Washington DC and wanted someone who could speak Arabic. The year was 2008. Jobs were scarce, gas prices high. The back page ad called for a big rig driver with a clean record, who could be at Black Water Crossing the day before Halloween.

As fate would have it, a quirky satellite blackout occurred before the government agent could complete the overseas agreement. A follow-up call led nowhere. Thus, the mid-east connection never fell victim to a federal communications dragnet – nor could Martin Swan detail the pending threat against Washington, or where the explosives would come ashore.

Join Martin on a thrilling adventure filled with suspense, mystery, and a touch of humor as he navigates through unexpected twists and turns.

"I Am Ozzy" is the unbelievable story of the heavy metal legend, Ozzy Osbourne. Born into a life of poverty, where the entire family slept in one room, music became his salvation. His band, Black Sabbath, went on to change the musical landscape forever.

But along with the rock and roll came the inevitable sex and drugs, leading Ozzy into an epic relationship with booze and chemicals. The stories of his days on the road are legendary – from biting the head off a live bat to surviving a tragic plane crash that claimed the life of his best friend and writing partner, Randy Rhoades.

Amidst the chaos, Ozzy faced real heartbreak during those days of hard living. In the end, it was the love of his family that saved him. Told in the rocker's hilarious and inimitable voice, this memoir of sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll reveals the life of a man who has done it all and lived to tell the tale.

Thing 1: There is no such thing as free market.

Thing 4: The washing machine has changed the world more than the Internet.

Thing 5: Assume the worst about people, and you get the worst.

Thing 13: Making rich people richer doesn't make the rest of us richer.

If you've wondered how we did not see the economic collapse coming, Ha-Joon Chang knows the answer: We didn't ask what they didn't tell us about capitalism.

This is a lighthearted book with a serious purpose: to question the assumptions behind the dogma and sheer hype that the dominant school of neoliberal economists—the apostles of the free market—have spun since the Age of Reagan.

Chang, the author of the international bestseller Bad Samaritans, is one of the world's most respected economists, a voice of sanity—and wit—in the tradition of John Kenneth Galbraith and Joseph Stiglitz. 23 Things They Don't Tell You About Capitalism equips readers with an understanding of how global capitalism works—and doesn't.

In his final chapter, "How to Rebuild the World," Chang offers a vision of how we can shape capitalism to humane ends, instead of becoming slaves of the market.

Once Bitten...
One minute Leigh is walking home in the early hours of the morning, and the next a vampire is sinking his teeth into her neck. Turns out it was a rogue vampire marked for termination, but it does Leigh little good because the damage's already been done. She's become one of them.

Lucian Argeneau, hunter of rogue vampires, has been alive for over two thousand years, and there's very little to excite him anymore. Food has become tasteless, sex is ordinary. Then Leigh drops into his life. Suddenly he finds himself craving coffee...and imagining the sassy brunette atop the black satin sheets on his nice big bed.

It's Lucian's job now to enlighten Leigh on the inner workings of being immortal...and tutoring her is igniting a fire in him that hasn't burned in centuries. But until they stop a renegade bloodsucker from destroying the human race, passion will have to wait!

Five Point Someone is a story about three friends in IIT who are unable to cope. The book starts with a disclaimer, “This is not a book to teach you how to get into IIT or even how to live in college. In fact, it describes how screwed up things can get if you don’t think straight.”

Three hostelmates – Alok, Hari and Ryan – get off to a bad start in IIT; they screw up the first class quiz. And while they try to make amends, things only get worse. It takes them a while to realize: If you try and screw with the IIT system, it comes back to double screw you. Before they know it, they are at the lowest echelons of IIT society. They have a five-point-something GPA out of ten, ranking near the end of their class.

This GPA is a tattoo that will remain with them, and come in the way of anything else that matters – their friendship, their future, their love life. While the world expects IITians to conquer the world, these guys are struggling to survive.

Will they make it? Do under performers have a right to live? Can they show that they are not just a five-point-somebody but a five-point-someone?

The Fry Chronicles is the captivating autobiography of Stephen Fry, one of the most beloved figures in British entertainment. Thirteen years ago, Moab Is My Washpot, Stephen Fry's autobiography of his early years, was published to rave reviews and was a huge best seller. In the years since, Stephen Fry has moved into a completely new stratosphere, both as a public figure and a private man.

Stephen Fry arrived at Cambridge on probation—a convicted fraudster and thief, an addict, liar, fantasist, and failed suicide—convinced that at any moment he would be found out and flung away. Instead, university life offered him love, romance, and the chance to stand on a stage and entertain. He met and befriended bright young things like Emma Thompson and Hugh Laurie and emerged as one of the most promising comic talents in the country.

This is the intriguing, hilarious, and utterly compelling story of how the Stephen the nation knows (or thinks it knows) began to make his presence felt as he took his first tentative steps in the worlds of television, journalism, radio, theatre, and film. Shameful tales of sugar, shag, and champagne jostle with insights into credit cards, classic cars, and conspicuous consumption, Blackadder, Broadway, and the BBC.

For all its trademark wit and verbal brilliance, this is a book that is not afraid to confront the aching chasm that separates public image from private feeling. Welcome to The Fry Chronicles, one of the boldest, bravest, most revealing, and heartfelt accounts of a man's formative years that you will ever have the exquisite pleasure of reading.

The Book of Basketball is a wildly opinionated and thoroughly entertaining book that dives deep into the past, present, and future of the NBA. Written by Bill Simmons, known to millions as ESPN.com's Sports Guy, this book offers a comprehensive look at the world of professional basketball.

From the age-old question of who actually won the rivalry between Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain to discussions about which team was truly the best of all time, Simmons opens—and then closes, once and for all—every major pro basketball debate.

He goes further by reevaluating how NBA Hall of Fame inductees should be chosen and how the institution must be reshaped from the ground up, presenting the Pyramid: a one-of-a-kind, five-level shrine to the ninety-six greatest players in the history of pro basketball.

Ultimately, Simmons takes fans to the heart of it all, using a conversation with one NBA great to uncover that coveted thing: The Secret of Basketball.

Comprehensive, authoritative, controversial, and hilarious, The Book of Basketball offers every hardwood fan a courtside seat beside the game’s finest, funniest, and fiercest chronicler.

Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris--until she meets Étienne St. Clair. Smart, charming, beautiful, Étienne has it all...including a serious girlfriend.

But in the City of Light, wishes have a way of coming true. Will a year of romantic near-misses end with their long-awaited French kiss?

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Greg Heffley has always been in a hurry to grow up. But is getting older really all it’s cracked up to be?

Greg suddenly finds himself dealing with the pressures of boy-girl parties, increased responsibilities, and even the awkward changes that come with getting older—all without his best friend, Rowley, at his side. Can Greg make it through on his own? Or will he have to face the ugly truth?

How do you know he's The One?

Are you getting butterflies just thinking about him?
Have you dreamt of marrying him?
Do you just know?

When Lucy meets Nate in Venice, she knows instantly he's The One. Caught up in the whirlwind of first love, they kiss under the Bridge of Sighs at sunset. According to legend, this will tie them together forever. But ten years later, they've completely lost contact. That is, until Lucy moves to New York and the legend brings them back together. Again. And again. And again.

But what if Nate isn't The One? How is she going to get rid of him? Because forever could be a very long time...

A funny, magical romantic comedy about how finding The One doesn't always have to mean happily ever after.

Side Jobs is a thrilling collection of shorter works from The Dresden Files series by the acclaimed author Jim Butcher. It brings together, for the first time, a compendium of cases that Harry Dresden, Chicago's only professional wizard, and his cadre of allies managed to close in record time.

The tales range from the deadly serious to the absurdly hilarious, showcasing the diverse challenges faced by Harry, from insane necromancers to power-hungry faerie queens and enigmatic dark wizards. The stakes in each case vary from a lone human soul to the entire human race, but not every adventure is an epic tale of life and death.

This collection includes:

• "Restoration of Faith"
• "Vignette"
• "Something Borrowed"
• "It's My Birthday Too"
• "Heorot"
• "Day Off"
• "Backup"
• "The Warrior"
• "Last Call"
• "Love Hurts"
• Aftermath - an all-new novella from Murphy's point of view, set forty-five minutes after the end of Changes.

This is a must-have collection for every devoted Harry Dresden fan, featuring a hero who's proven himself over and over again, as well as delving into the odd corners of his fascinating and fantastic world.

Welcome to Trenton, New Jersey, where bounty hunter Stephanie Plum's life is about to implode in Janet Evanovich's wildest, hottest novel yet!

FIRST A STRANGER APPEARS
While chasing down the usual cast of miscreants and weirdos, Stephanie discovers that a crazed woman is stalking her.

THEN THE STRANGER REVEALS HER SECRETS
The woman dresses in black, carries a 9mm Glock, and has a bad attitude and a mysterious connection to dark and dangerous Carlos Manoso… street name, Ranger.

NEXT, SOMEBODY DIES
The action turns deadly serious, and Stephanie goes from hunting skips to hunting a murderer.

SOON, THE CHASE IS ON
Ranger needs Stephanie for more reasons than he can say. And now, the two are working together to find a killer, rescue a missing child, and stop a lunatic from raising the body count.

When Stephanie Plum and Ranger get too close for comfort, vice cop Joe Morelli (her on-again, off-again boyfriend) steps in. Will the ticking clock stop at the stroke of twelve, or will a stranger in the wind find a way to stop Stephanie Plum…forever?

After leaving the Lawson Peabody School for Young Girls in Boston—under dire circumstances, of course—Jacky Faber boards a whaling ship bound for London, where she hopes to find her beloved Jaimy. But things don’t go as planned, and soon Jacky is off on a wild misadventure at sea.

In 1804, fifteen-year-old Jacky Faber heads back to sea where she gains control of a British warship and eventually becomes a privateer.

In his astonishing new work, Ian Frazier, one of our greatest and most entertaining storytellers, trains his perceptive, generous eye on Siberia, the storied expanse of Asiatic Russia whose grim renown is but one explanation among hundreds for the region's fascinating, enduring appeal.

In Travels in Siberia, Frazier reveals Siberia's role in history—its science, economics, and politics—with great passion and enthusiasm, ensuring that we’ll never think about it in the same way again.

With great empathy and epic sweep, Frazier tells the stories of Siberia's most famous exiles, from the well-known—Dostoyevsky, Lenin (twice), Stalin (numerous times)—to the lesser known (like Natalie Lopukhin, banished by the empress for copying her dresses) to those who experienced unimaginable suffering in Siberian camps under the Soviet regime, forever immortalized by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn in The Gulag Archipelago.

Travels in Siberia is also a unique chronicle of Russia since the end of the Soviet Union, a personal account of adventures among Russian friends and acquaintances, and, above all, a unique, captivating, totally Frazierian take on what he calls the "amazingness" of Russia—a country that, for all its tragic history, somehow still manages to be funny.

Fifteen-year-old Finbar Frame seriously missed out in the gene-pool stakes, since his twin brother Luke got the good looks, athletic ability, and pigmentation. Finbar is tall, skinny, pale, and pretty much allergic to the sun - and sadly, teenage girls don't appreciate Finbar's sensitive skin or his sensitive soul.

But when a move to a new school converges with a cultural trend romanticising vampires, Finbar seizes the opportunity. He'll become a vampire! Or at least fake it ... to get a date.

Wickedly smart and laugh-out-loud funny, this YA debut novel heralds a brilliant career for this new young author.

It starts with whispers. Then someone picks up a stone. Finally, the fires begin. When people turn on witches, the innocents suffer. . . Tiffany Aching has spent years studying with senior witches, and now she is on her own. As the witch of the Chalk, she performs the bits of witchcraft that aren't sparkly, aren't fun, don't involve any kind of wand, and that people seldom ever hear about: She does the unglamorous work of caring for the needy.

But someone or something is igniting fear, inculcating dark thoughts and angry murmurs against witches. Aided by her tiny blue allies, the Wee Free Men, Tiffany must find the source of this unrest and defeat the evil at its root before it takes her life. Because if Tiffany falls, the whole Chalk falls with her.

Chilling drama combines with laugh-out-loud humor and searing insight as beloved and bestselling author Terry Pratchett tells the high-stakes story of a young witch who stands in the gap between good and evil.

Wanted: Bride. Must love children. Mortals need not apply.

Carlos Panterra is on a quest for a mate, a woman who will cherish and care for the young orphans he's recently taken under his wing (or paw, as the case may be). When this shape shifter spots the stunning Caitlyn, it's like a burst of sunshine amidst the darkness. At last, he's found the perfect woman, except...

Caitlyn Whelan is mortal. Worse, her father is the head of a CIA agency intent on hunting the undead. Still, Caitlyn knows that Carlos is the man for her, shape shifter or not. So she leaps at the chance when her sister offers her a job to work with him, determined to show Carlos that their attraction is more than just animal magnetism.

But danger lurks in the night, and their unleashed, untamed passion might just get them both killed...

All 16-year-old Cameron wants is to get through high school—and life in general—with a minimum of effort. It’s not a lot to ask. But that’s before he’s given some bad news: he’s sick and he’s going to die. Which totally sucks. Hope arrives in the winged form of Dulcie, a loopy punk angel/possible hallucination with a bad sugar habit. She tells Cam there is a cure—if he’s willing to go in search of it. With the help of a death-obsessed, video-gaming dwarf and a yard gnome, Cam sets off on the mother of all road trips through a twisted America into the heart of what matters most.

From acclaimed author Libba Bray comes a dark comedic journey that poses the questions: Why are we here? What is real? What makes microwave popcorn so good? Why must we die? And how do we really learn to live? "A hilarious and hallucinatory quest."—The New York Times "Sublimely surreal."—People

Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race is the eagerly awaited new book from the Emmy-winning, Oscar-hosting, Daily Show-anchoring Jon Stewart—the man behind the megaseller America (The Book).

Where do we come from? Who created us? Why are we here? These questions have puzzled us since the dawn of time, but when it became apparent to Jon Stewart and the writers of The Daily Show that the world was about to end, they embarked on a massive mission to write a book that summed up the human race: What we looked like; what we accomplished; our achievements in society, government, religion, science, and culture—all in a tome of approximately 256 pages with lots of color photos, graphs, and charts.

After two weeks of hard work, they had their book. EARTH (The Book) is the definitive guide to our species. With their trademark wit, irreverence, and intelligence, Stewart and his team will posthumously answer all of life's most hard-hitting questions, completely unburdened by objectivity, journalistic integrity, or even accuracy.

Sophie Kinsella has dazzled readers with her irresistible Shopaholic novels—sensational international bestsellers that have catapulted her into the first rank of contemporary storytellers. Now her beloved heroine Becky Brandon (née Bloomwood) returns in a hilarious tale of married life, toddlerhood, and the perils of trying to give a fabulous surprise party—on a budget!

Becky Brandon thought motherhood would be a breeze and that having a daughter was a dream come true: a shopping friend for life! But it's trickier than she thought. Two-year-old Minnie has a quite different approach to shopping. Minnie creates havoc everywhere she goes, from Harrods to her own christening. Her favorite word is "Mine!" and she's even trying to get into eBay!

On top of everything else, Becky and Luke are still living with her parents (the deal on house #4 has fallen through), when suddenly there's a huge financial crisis. With people having to "cut back," Becky decides to throw a surprise party for Luke to cheer everyone up. But when costs start to spiral out of control, she must decide whether to accept help from an unexpected source—and therefore run the risk of hurting the person she loves.

Will Becky be able to pull off the celebration of the year? Will she and Luke ever find a home of their own? Will Minnie ever learn to behave? And . . . most important . . . will Becky's secret wishes ever come true?

The Secret Series continues in this dangerous and daring fourth adventure. Cass finds herself alone and disoriented, a stranger in a dream-like, medieval world. Where is she? Who is she? With the help of a long-lost relative, she begins to uncover clues and secrets—piecing together her family's history as she fights her way back to the present world.

Meanwhile, back home, Cass is at the hospital in a deep coma. Max-Ernest knows she ate Time Travel Chocolate—and he's determined to find a cure. Can our expert hypochondriac diagnose Cass's condition before it's too late? And will he have what it takes to save the survivalist?