In his first novel, Dave Eggers has written an entertaining and profoundly original moving and hilarious tale of two friends who fly around the world trying to give away a lot of money and free themselves from a profound loss.

This book reminds us once again what an important, necessary talent Dave Eggers is. Nobody writes better than Dave Eggers about young men who aspire to be, at the same time, authentic and sincere.

Join the journey of these friends as they navigate through different cultures and experiences, offering readers a unique blend of humor and emotional depth.

Running with Scissors is the true story of a boy whose mother (a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton) gave him away to be raised by her unorthodox psychiatrist who bore a striking resemblance to Santa Claus. So at the age of twelve, Burroughs found himself amidst Victorian squalor living with the doctor’s bizarre family, and befriending a pedophile who resided in the backyard shed. The story of an outlaw childhood where rules were unheard of, and the Christmas tree stayed up all year round, where Valium was consumed like candy, and if things got dull an electroshock- therapy machine could provide entertainment.

The funny, harrowing and bestselling account of an ordinary boy’s survival under the most extraordinary circumstances.

Corporal Carrot has been promoted! He's now in charge of the new recruits guarding Ankh-Morpork, Discworld's greatest city, from Barbarian Tribes, Miscellaneous Marauders, unlicensed Thieves, and such. It's a big job, particularly for an adopted dwarf. But an even bigger job awaits. An ancient document has just revealed that Ankh-Morpork, ruled for decades by Disorganized crime, has a secret sovereign! And his name is Carrot...

And so begins the most awesome epic encounter of all time, or at least all afternoon, in which the fate of a city—indeed of the universe itself!—depends on a young man's courage, an ancient sword's magic, and a three-legged poodle's bladder.

Fox in Socks is a hilarious book where the irrepressible Fox in Socks teaches a baffled Mr. Knox some of the slickest, quickest tongue-twisters in town. With his unique combination of amusing stories, zany pictures, and riotous rhymes, Dr. Seuss has been delighting young children and helping them learn to read for over fifty years.

Join the fun as Fox and Knox take you through a series of rhyming challenges, introducing props like boxes and socks, and adding more items like chicks, bricks, blocks, and clocks as the complexity increases. As the Fox describes each situation with rhymes that escalate in complexity, Knox periodically complains about the tongue-twisters' difficulty.

Finally, after an extended dissertation on Tweetle Beetles who battle with paddles in a puddle inside a bottle, Knox acts on his frustration by stuffing Fox into the bottle, reciting a tongue-twister of his own. Knox then declares that the game is finished, thanking the Fox for the fun, and walks away while the beetles, a poodle, and the stunned Fox watch.

"Do you like green eggs and ham?" asks Sam-I-am in this Beginner Book by Dr. Seuss. In a house or with a mouse? In a boat or with a goat? On a train or in a tree? Sam keeps asking persistently. With unmistakable characters and signature rhymes, Dr. Seuss's beloved favorite has cemented its place as a children's classic.

In this most famous of cumulative tales, the list of places to enjoy green eggs and ham, and friends to enjoy them with, gets longer and longer. Follow Sam-I-am as he insists that this unusual treat is indeed a delectable snack to be savored everywhere and in every way. Originally created by Dr. Seuss, Beginner Books encourage children to read all by themselves, with simple words and illustrations that give clues to their meaning.

THE SNEETCHES
"Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches / Had bellies with stars. / The Plain-Belly Sneetches / Had none upon thars." This collection of four of Dr. Seuss's most winning stories begins with that unforgettable tale of the unfortunate Sneetches, bamboozled by one Sylvester McMonkey McBean ("the Fix-it-up Chappie"), who teaches them that pointless prejudice can be costly.

THE ZAX
Following the Sneetches, a South-Going Zax and a North-Going Zax seem determined to butt heads on the prairie of Prax.

TOO MANY DAVES
Then there's the tongue-twisting story of Mrs. McCave--you know, the one who had 23 sons and named them all Dave. (She realizes that she'd be far less confused had she given them different names, like Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face or Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate.)

WHAT WAS I SCARED OF?
A slightly spooky adventure involving a pair of haunted trousers--"What was I scared of?"--closes out the collection. Sneetches and Other Stories is Seuss at his best, with distinctively wacky illustrations and ingeniously weird prose.

A sex guide for all living things and a hilarious natural history in the form of letters to and answers from the preeminent sexpert in all creation. Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation is a unique guidebook to sex. It reveals, for example, when necrophilia is acceptable and who should commit bestiality with whom.

It discloses the best time to have a sex change, how to have a virgin birth, and when to eat your lover. It also advises on more mundane matters — such as male pregnancy and the joys of a detachable penis.

Entertaining, funny, and marvelously illuminating, the book comprises letters from all creatures worried about their bizarre sex lives to the wise Dr. Tatiana (a.k.a. Olivia Judson), the only sex columnist in creation with a prodigious knowledge of evolutionary biology.

Fusing natural history with advice to the lovelorn, blending wit and rigor, she is able to reassure her anxious correspondents that although the acts they describe might sound appalling and unnatural, they are all perfectly normal — so long as you are not a human. In the process, she explains the science behind it all, from Darwin's theory of sexual selection to why sexual reproduction exists at all.

Applying human standards to the natural world, in the end she reveals the wonders of both. Delightful . . . Easy to understand and hard to resist, it's sex education at its prime — accurate, comprehensive, and hilarious.

Jessica Darling is up in arms again in this much-anticipated, hilarious sequel to Sloppy Firsts. This time, the hyperobservant, angst-ridden teenager is going through the social and emotional ordeal of her senior year at Pineville High. Not only does the mysterious and oh-so-compelling Marcus Flutie continue to distract Jessica, but her best friend, Hope, still lives in another state, and she can't seem to escape the clutches of the Clueless Crew, her annoying so-called friends. To top it off, Jessica's parents won't get off her butt about choosing a college, and her sister Bethany's pregnancy is causing a big stir in the Darling household.

With keen intelligence, sardonic wit, and ingenious comedic timing, Megan McCafferty again re-creates the tumultuous world of fast-moving and sophisticated teens. Fans of Sloppy Firsts will be reunited with their favorite characters and also introduced to the fresh new faces that have entered Jess's life, including the hot creative writing teacher at her summer college prep program and her feisty, tell-it-like-it-is grandmother Gladdie.

But most of all, readers will finally have the answers to all of their burgeoning questions, and then some: Will Jessica crack under the pressure of senioritis? Will her unresolved feelings for Marcus wreak havoc on her love life? Will Hope ever come back to Pineville? Fall in love with saucy, irreverent Jessica all over again in this wonderful sequel to a book that critics and readers alike hailed as the best high school novel in years.

Stiff is an oddly compelling, often hilarious exploration of the strange lives of our bodies postmortem. For two thousand years, cadavers—some willingly, some unwittingly—have been involved in science's boldest strides and weirdest undertakings. In this fascinating account, Mary Roach visits the good deeds of cadavers over the centuries and tells the engrossing story of our bodies when we are no longer with them.

A look inside the world of forensics examines the use of human cadavers in a wide range of endeavors, including research into new surgical procedures, space exploration, and a Tennessee human decay research facility.

From the unique imagination of Walter Moers comes another fantastical journey into Zamonia. This captivating story is astonishingly inventive, amusing, and engrossing. Rumo is a little Wolperting - a domesticated creature somewhere between a deer and a dog - who will one day become the greatest hero in the history of Zamonia. Armed with Dandelion, his talking sword, he fights his way across Overworld and Netherworld, two very different realms chock-full of adventures, dangers, and unforgettable characters:

• Rala, the beautiful girl Wolperting who cultivates a hazardous relationship with death;
• Urs of the Snows, who thinks more of cooking than of fighting;
• Gornab the Ninety-Ninth, the demented king of Netherworld;
• Professor Ostafan Kolibri, who goes in search of the Non-Existent Teenies;
• General Ticktock, the evil commander of the Copper Killers;
• Ushan DeLucca, the finest and most weather-sensitive swordsman in Zamonia;
• Volzotan Smyke, the corpulent Shark Grub;
• Rolv of the Forest, a Wolperting who can pass through the White Fire;
• Yggdra Syl, the guardian of the Nurn Forest and its talkative animals;
• Professor Abdullah Nightingale, inventor of the Chest-of-Drawers Oracle;
• and, the worst of luck, the deadly Metal Maiden.

Princess Mia may seem like the luckiest girl ever. But the truth is, Mia spends all her time doing one of three things:

• Preparing for her nerve-racking entrée into Genovian society
• Slogging through the congestion unique to Manhattan in December
• Avoiding further smooching from her hapless boyfriend, Kenny

For Mia, being a princess is not the fairy tale it's supposed to be... or is it?

Gulliver's Travels describes the four voyages of Lemuel Gulliver, a ship's surgeon. In Lilliput he discovers a world in miniature; towering over the people and their city, he is able to view their society from the viewpoint of a god. However, in Brobdingnag, a land of giants, tiny Gulliver himself comes under observation, exhibited as a curiosity at markets and fairs.

In Laputa, a flying island, he encounters a society of speculators and projectors who have lost all grip on everyday reality; while they plan and calculate, their country lies in ruins. Gulliver's final voyage takes him to the land of the Houyhnhnms, gentle horses whom he quickly comes to admire - in contrast to the Yahoos, filthy bestial creatures who bear a disturbing resemblance to humans. This text, based on the first edition of 1726, reproduces all the original illustrations and includes an introduction by Robert Demaria, Jr, which discusses the ways Gulliver's Travels has been interpreted since its first publication.

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) was born in Dublin. For more than seventy years, Penguin has been the leading publisher of classic literature in the English-speaking world. Readers trust the series to provide authoritative texts enhanced by introductions and notes by distinguished scholars and contemporary authors, as well as up-to-date translations by award-winning translators.

Long hailed as a seminal work of modernism in the tradition of Joyce and Kafka, and now available in a supple new English translation, Italo Svevo’s charming and splendidly idiosyncratic novel conducts readers deep into one hilariously hyperactive and endlessly self-deluding mind. The mind in question belongs to one Zeno Cosini, a neurotic Italian businessman who is writing his confessions at the behest of his psychiatrist.

Here are Zeno’s interminable attempts to quit smoking, his courtship of the beautiful yet unresponsive Ada, his unexpected–and unexpectedly happy–marriage to Ada’s homely sister Augusta, and his affair with a shrill-voiced aspiring singer. Relating these misadventures with wry wit and irony, and a perspicacity at once unblinking and compassionate, Zeno’s Conscience is a miracle of psychological realism.

Can there be any greater challenge to London’s Ambitious Mamas than an unmarried duke?—Lady Whistledown’s Society Papers, April 1813

By all accounts, Simon Basset is on the verge of proposing to his best friend’s sister, the lovely—and almost-on-the-shelf—Daphne Bridgerton. But the two of them know the truth—it’s all an elaborate plan to keep Simon free from marriage-minded society mothers. And as for Daphne, surely she will attract some worthy suitors now that it seems a duke has declared her desirable.

But as Daphne waltzes across ballroom after ballroom with Simon, it’s hard to remember that their courtship is a complete sham. Maybe it’s his devilish smile, certainly it’s the way his eyes seem to burn every time he looks at her… but somehow Daphne is falling for the dashing duke… for real! And now she must do the impossible and convince the handsome rogue that their clever little scheme deserves a slight alteration, and that nothing makes quite as much sense as falling in love…

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III is a truly extraordinary Viking hero known throughout Vikingdom as the Dragon Whisperer...but it wasn't always so. Travel back to the days when the mighty warrior was just a boy, the quiet and thoughtful son of the Chief of the Hairy Hooligans.

Can Hiccup capture a dragon and train it without being torn limb from limb? Join the adventure as the small boy finds a better way to train his dragon and become a hero!

Living Alone and Loving It is a delightful celebration of living solo in a world that often exalts marriage and family. Written by Barbara Feldon, the universally loved actress known as the effervescent spy "99" on Get Smart, this book is both a guide and a testament to relishing a life without a partner.

After a relationship impasse, Feldon found herself living alone, embarking on one of the most enriching and joyous periods of her life. In this book, she shares her secrets for embracing solitude and loving it.

Learn how to:

- Stop imagining that marriage is a solution for loneliness

- Nurture a glowing self-image that is not dependent on an admirer

- Value connections that might be overlooked

- Develop your creative side

- End negative thinking

Whether you're blessed with the promise of youth or the wisdom of age, Living Alone & Loving It will instill the know-how to forge a life filled with adventures and happiness.

No one ever said being a princess was easy.

Just when Mia thought she had the whole princess thing under control, things get out of hand, fast.

First, there's an unexpected announcement from her mother. Then Grandmère arranges a national primetime interview for the brand-new crown princess of Genovia. On top of that, intriguing, exasperating letters from a secret admirer begin to arrive.

Before she even has the chance to wonder who those letters are from, Mia is swept up in a whirlwind of royal intrigue the likes of which haven't been seen since volume I of The Princess Diaries.

In A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson takes on the daunting task of understanding the universe and everything within it. From the Big Bang to the rise of civilization, Bryson embarks on a journey to uncover the secrets of our existence. He connects with a plethora of advanced scientists—from archaeologists and anthropologists to mathematicians—and delves into their studies, asking questions and attempting to comprehend the complex information that has puzzled humanity for centuries.

This book is both an adventure and a revelation, filled with profound insights and laced with Bryson's trademark wit. It is a clear, entertaining, and supremely engaging exploration of human knowledge that makes science both accessible and fascinating to a broad audience. A Short History of Nearly Everything is a testament to Bryson's ability to make the seemingly incomprehensible both understandable and enjoyable.

The Cyberiad is a brilliantly funny collection of stories set in a future world where machines are the dominant species. Written by the celebrated author of Solaris, Stanisław Lem, this book is a blend of meaning and magic that is both entertaining and captivating.

These are the stories of Trurl and Klapaucius, master inventors and engineers known as "constructors," who have created marvels for various kingdoms. Friends and rivals, they are constantly outdoing and challenging each other to reveal the next great evolution in cybernetics.

From tales of love, where a robotic prince must woo a robotic princess enchanted by pleasures of true flesh, to epics of battle, where the heroic constructors must use their considerable wit to outsmart a monarch obsessed with hunting, these stories are rich with profound questions and unimaginable marvels.

The collection also examines humanity, as Trurl and Klapaucius confront the limits of their skills and the meaning of true perfection. This outrageously funny and incomparably wise collection of short stories takes an insightful look at mechanics, technology, invention, and human ambition.

Imagine a year without Christmas. No crowded shops, no corny office parties, no fruitcakes, no unwanted presents. That's just what Luther and Nora Krank have in mind when they decide that, just this once, they'll skip the holiday altogether. Theirs will be the only house on the street without a rooftop Frosty the snowman; they won't be hosting their annual Christmas Eve bash; they aren't even going to have a tree. They won't need one, because come December 25 they're setting sail on a Caribbean cruise. But, as this weary couple is about to discover, skipping Christmas brings enormous consequences - and isn't half as easy as they'd imagined.A classic tale for modern times, Skipping Christmas offers a hilarious look at the chaos and frenzy that has become part of our holiday tradition.

In the last gasp of youth, Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson is back in Edinburgh. He taps into one last great scam: directing and producing a porn film. To make it work, he needs bedfellows: the lovely Nikki Fuller-Smith, a student with ambition, ego, and troubles to rival his own; old pal Mark Renton; and a motley crew that includes the neighborhood's favorite ex-beverage salesman, "Juice" Terry.

In the world of Porno, however, even the cons are conned. Sick Boy and Renton jockey for top dog. The out-of-jail and in-for-revenge Begbie is on the loose. But it's the hapless, drug-addled Spud who may be spreading the most trouble.

Porno is a novel about the Trainspotting crew ten years further down the line: still scheming, still scamming, still fighting for the first-class seats as the train careens at high velocity with derailment looming around the next corner.

Thelonius "Monk" Ellison is an erudite, accomplished but seldom-read author who insists on writing obscure literary papers rather than the so-called "ghetto prose" that would make him a commercial success. He finally succumbs to temptation after seeing the Oberlin-educated author of We's Lives in da Ghetto during her appearance on a talk show, firing back with a parody called My Pafology, which he submits to his startled agent under the gangsta pseudonym of Stagg R. Leigh.

Ellison quickly finds himself with a six-figure advance from a major house, a multimillion-dollar offer for the movie rights, and a monster bestseller on his hands. The money helps with a family crisis, allowing Ellison to care for his widowed mother as she drifts into the fog of Alzheimer's, but it doesn't ease the pain after his sister, a physician, is shot by right-wing fanatics for performing abortions.

The dark side of wealth surfaces when both the movie mogul and talk-show host demand to meet the nonexistent Leigh, forcing Ellison to don a disguise and invent a sullen, enigmatic character to meet the demands of the market. The final indignity occurs when Ellison becomes a judge for a major book award and My Pafology (title changed to Fuck) gets nominated, forcing the author to come to terms with his perverse literary joke.

Percival Everett's talent is multifaceted, sparked by a satiric brilliance that skewers the conventions of racial and political correctness. Erasure is a passionate exploration of identity, authenticity, and the literary world.

Do you feel like you are too nice? Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself.

With saucy detail on every page, this no-nonsense guide reveals why a strong woman is much more desirable than a "yes woman" who routinely sacrifices herself. The author provides compelling answers to the tough questions women often ask:

• Why are men so romantic in the beginning and why do they change?
• Why do men take nice girls for granted?
• Why does a man respect a woman when she stands up for herself?

Full of advice, hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, "she says/he thinks" tables, and the author's unique "Attraction Principles," Why Men Love Bitches gives you bottom-line answers. It helps you know who you are, stand your ground, and relate to men on a whole new level.

Once you've discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry—you'll gain your man's love and respect with far less effort.

Ryan Bingham's job as a Career Transition Counselor—he fires people—has kept him airborne for years. Although he has come to despise his line of work, he has come to love the culture of what he calls "Airworld," finding contentment within pressurized cabins, anonymous hotel rooms, and a wardrobe of wrinkle-free slacks.

With a letter of resignation sitting on his boss's desk, and the hope of a job with a mysterious consulting firm, Ryan Bingham is agonizingly close to his ultimate goal, his Holy Grail: one million frequent flier miles. But before he achieves this long-desired freedom, conditions begin to deteriorate.

With perception, wit, and wisdom, Up in the Air combines brilliant social observation with an acute sense of the psychic costs of our rootless existence, and confirms Walter Kirn as one of the most savvy chroniclers of American life.

Ella Minnow Pea is a girl living happily on the fictional island of Nollop off the coast of South Carolina. Nollop was named after Nevin Nollop, the author of the immortal pangram, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

Now, Ella finds herself acting to save her friends, family, and fellow citizens from the encroaching totalitarianism of the island's Council, which has banned the use of certain letters of the alphabet as they fall from a memorial statue of Nevin Nollop.

As the letters progressively drop from the statue, they also disappear from the novel. The result is both a hilarious and moving story of one girl's fight for freedom of expression, as well as a linguistic tour de force sure to delight word lovers everywhere.

Rose Feller is thirty; a successful lawyer with high hopes of a relationship with Jim, Mr Not-Quite-Right, a senior partner in her firm. The last thing she needs is her messed-up, only occasionally employed sister Maggie moving in: drinking, smoking, stealing her money - and her shoes - and spoiling her chance of romance. If only Maggie would grow up and settle down with a nice guy and a steady job.

Maggie is drop dead gorgeous and irresistible to men. She's going to make it big as a TV presenter, or a singer...or an actress. All she needs is a lucky break. What she doesn't need is her uptight sister Rose interfering in her life. If only Rose would lighten-up, have some fun - and learn how to use a pair of tweezers.

Rose and Maggie think they have nothing in common but a childhood tragedy, shared DNA and the same size feet, but they are about to find out that they're more alike than they'd ever believe.

Okay, so at least you're interested enough to pick up this book and look inside. I think you and I are going to get along just fine. Life is full of choices. Right now, yours is whether or not to buy the autobiography of a mid-grade, kind of hammy actor.

Am I supposed to know this guy? you think to yourself. No, and that's exactly the point. Bookstores are chock full of household name actors and their high stakes shenanigans. I don't want to be a spoilsport, but we've all been down that road before.

Case in point: look to your left - see that Judy Garland book? You don't need that, you know plenty about her already - great voice, crappy life. Now look to your right at the Charlton Heston book. You don't need to cough up hard-earned dough for that either. You know his story too - great voice, crappy toupee.

The truth is that though you might not have a clue who I am, there are countless working stiffs like me out there, grinding away every day at the wheel of fortune.

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor is my first book, and I invite you to ride with me through the choppy waters of blue-collar Hollywood.

Okay, so buy the damned book already and read like the wind!

Best, Bruce Campbell

P.S. If the book sucks, at least there are gobs of pictures, and they're not crammed in the middle like all those other actor books.

Cohen the Barbarian. He's been a legend in his own lifetime. He can remember the good old days of high adventure, when being a Hero meant one didn't have to worry about aching backs and lawyers and civilization. But these days, he can't always remember just where he put his teeth...

So now, with his ancient (yet still trusty) sword and new walking stick in hand, Cohen gathers a group of his old -- very old -- friends to embark on one final quest. He's going to climb the highest mountain of Discworld and meet the gods.

It's time the Last Hero in the world returns what the first hero stole. Trouble is, that'll mean the end of the world, if no one stops him in time.

Be careful what you wish for...Once upon a time there was a fairy godmother named Desiderata who had a good heart, a wise head, and poor planning skills—which unfortunately left the Princess Emberella in the care of her other (not quite so good and wise) godmother when DEATH came for Desiderata. So now it's up to Magrat Garlick, Granny Weatherwax, and Nanny Ogg to hop on broomsticks and make for far-distant Genua to ensure the servant girl doesn't marry the Prince.But the road to Genua is bumpy, and along the way the trio of witches encounters the occasional vampire, werewolf, and falling house (well this is a fairy tale, after all). The trouble really begins once these reluctant foster-godmothers arrive in Genua and must outwit their power-hungry counterpart who'll stop at nothing to achieve a proper "happy ending"—even if it means destroying a kingdom.

Blown Up
All New Jersey bounty hunter Stephanie Plum has to do is bring in semi-retired bail jumper Eddie DeChooch. For an old man, he's still got a knack for slipping out of sight—and raising hell. How else can Stephanie explain the bullet-riddled corpse in Eddie's garden? Who else would have a clue as to why two of Stephanie's friends suddenly vanished? For answers, Stephanie has the devil to pay: her mentor, Ranger. The deal? He'll give Stephanie all the help she needs—if she gives him everything he wants...

Messed Up
As if things weren't complicated enough, Stephanie's just discovered her Grandma Mazur's own unmentionable alliance with Eddie. Add a series of unnerving break-ins, not to mention the bombshell revelation leveled by Stephanie's estranged sister, and Stephanie's ready for some good news. Unfortunately, a marriage proposal from Joe Morelli, the love of her life, isn't quite cutting it. And now—murder, a randy paramour, a wily mobster, death threats, extortion, and a triple kidnapping aside—Stephanie's really got the urge to run for her life...

Being a princess isn't all that...

You've heard the fairy tale: a glass slipper, Prince Charming, happily ever after...

Welcome to reality: royal genealogy lessons, needlepoint, acting like "a proper lady," and—worst of all—a prince who is not the least bit interesting, and certainly not charming.

As soon-to-be princess Ella deals with her new-found status, she comes to realize she is not "your majesty" material. But breaking off a royal engagement is no easy feat, especially when you're crushing on another boy in the palace...

For Ella to escape, it will take intelligence, determination, and spunk—and no ladylike behavior allowed.

Opening with the exotic Lady Death entering the gumshoe-writer's seedy office in pursuit of a writer named Celine, Pulp demonstrates Bukowski's own brand of humour and realism, opening up a landscape of seamy Los Angeles.

A Warning from the Publisher:

Many readers have questions about Lemony Snicket, author of the distressing serial concerning the trials of the charming but unlucky Baudelaire orphans, published under the collective title A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Before purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book, you should be aware that it contains the answers to some of those questions, such as the following:

1. Who is Lemony?
2. Is there a secret organization I should know about?
3. Why does Lemony Snicket spend his time researching and writing distressing books concerning the Baudelaire orphans?
4. Why do all of Lemony Snicket's books contain a sad dedication to a woman named Beatrice?
5. If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?

Our advice to you is that you find a book that answers less upsetting questions than this one. Perhaps your librarian, bookseller, or parole officer can recommend a book that answers the question, "Aren't ponies adorable?"

From This American Life alum David Rakoff comes a hilarious collection that single-handedly raises self-deprecation to an art form. Whether impersonating Sigmund Freud in a department store window during the holidays, climbing an icy mountain in cheap loafers, or learning primitive survival skills in the wilds of New Jersey, Rakoff clearly demonstrates how he doesn’t belong–nor does he try to.

In his debut collection of essays, Rakoff uses his razor-sharp wit and snarky humor to deliver a barrage of damaging blows that, more often than not, land squarely on his own jaw–hilariously satirizing the writer, not the subject. Joining the wry and the heartfelt, Fraud offers an object lesson in not taking life, or ourselves, too seriously.

Meet Rachel Walsh. She has a pair of size 8 feet and such a fondness for recreational drugs that her family has forked out the cash for a spell in Cloisters – Dublin’s answer to the Betty Ford Clinic. She’s only agreed to her incarceration because she’s heard that rehab is wall-to-wall jacuzzis, gymnasiums and rock stars going tepid turkey – and it’s about time she had a holiday.But what Rachel doesn’t count on are the toe-curling embarrassments heaped on her by family and group therapy, the dearth of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll – and missing Luke, her ex. What kind of a new start in life is this?

Welcome to Empire Falls, a blue-collar town full of abandoned mills whose citizens surround themselves with the comforts and feuds provided by lifelong friends and neighbors and who find humor and hope in the most unlikely places, in this Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Richard Russo.

Miles Roby has been slinging burgers at the Empire Grill for 20 years, a job that cost him his college education and much of his self-respect. What keeps him there? It could be his bright, sensitive daughter Tick, who needs all his help surviving the local high school. Or maybe it’s Janine, Miles’ soon-to-be ex-wife, who’s taken up with a noxiously vain health-club proprietor. Or perhaps it’s the imperious Francine Whiting, who owns everything in town–and seems to believe that “everything” includes Miles himself.

Weiner's witty, original, fast-moving debut features a lovable heroine, a solid cast, snappy dialogue and a poignant take on life's priorities. For twenty-eight years, things have been tripping along nicely for Cannie Shapiro. Sure, her mother has come charging out of the closet, and her father has long since dropped out of her world. But she loves her friends, her rat terrier, Nifkin, and her job as pop culture reporter for The Philadelphia Examiner. She's even made a tenuous peace with her plus-size body.

But the day she opens up a national women's magazine and sees the words "Loving a Larger Woman" above her ex-boyfriend's byline, Cannie is plunged into misery...and the most amazing year of her life. From Philadelphia to Hollywood and back home again, she charts a new course for herself: mourning her losses, facing her past, and figuring out who she is and who she can become.

Life, the Universe and Everything is the third book in the five-volume Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy science fiction series by British writer Douglas Adams. The title refers to the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

The unhappy inhabitants of planet Krikkit are sick of looking at the night sky above their heads—so they plan to destroy it. The universe, that is. Now only five individuals stand between the killer robots of Krikkit and their goal of total annihilation.

They are Arthur Dent, a mild-mannered space and time traveler who tries to learn how to fly by throwing himself at the ground and missing; Ford Prefect, his best friend, who decides to go insane to see if he likes it; Slartibartfast, the indomitable vice president of the Campaign for Real Time, who travels in a ship powered by irrational behavior; Zaphod Beeblebrox, the two-headed, three-armed ex-president of the galaxy; and Trillian, the sexy space cadet who is torn between a persistent Thunder God and a very depressed Beeblebrox.

How will it all end? Will it end? Only this stalwart crew knows as they try to avert “universal” Armageddon and save life as we know it—and don’t know it!

“Adams is one of those rare treasures: an author who, one senses, has as much fun writing as one has reading.”—Arizona Daily Star

Considered by critics to be Barth's most distinguished masterpiece, The Sot-Weed Factor has acquired the status of a modern classic. Set in the late 1600s, it recounts the wildly chaotic odyssey of hapless, ungainly Ebenezer Cooke, sent to the New World to look after his father's tobacco business and to record the struggles of the Maryland colony in an epic poem.

On his mission, Cooke experiences capture by pirates and Indians; the loss of his father's estate to roguish impostors; love for a farmer prostitute; stealthy efforts to rob him of his virginity, which he is (almost) determined to protect; and an extraordinary gallery of treacherous characters who continually switch identities. A hilarious, bawdy tribute to all the most insidious human vices, The Sot-Weed Factor has a lasting relevance for readers of all times.

Holy wood is a different sort of place. People act differently here. Everywhere else the most important things are gods or money or cattle. Here, the most important thing is to be important.

People might say that reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess weight. Sadly, alchemists never really held with such a quaint notion. They think that they can change reality, shape it to their own purpose. Imagine then the damage that could be wrought if they get their hands on the ultimate alchemy: the invention of motion pictures, the greatest making of illusions. It may be a triumph of universe-shaking proportions. It's either that or they're about to unlock the dark terrible secret of the Holy Wood hills - by mistake...

Vlad Taltos is a sorcerer and freelance assassin, living as an Easterner (a human) among the Dragaerans. He has a reptilian familiar with a biting sense of humor. Vlad finds himself in trouble when he must prevent a war that could lead to the destruction of his best friends and the great families of Dragaera.

The first published book, Jhereg is actually the fourth novel in the VLAD TALTOS series timeline. The books recount the adventures of the wisecracking hired killer Vlad, a human on a planet mainly inhabited by the long-lived, extremely tall sorcerers known as the Dragaerans.

One of the most powerful bosses in the Jhereg—Dragaera's premier criminal organization—hires Vlad, one of their guild members, to assassinate Mellar, who stole millions from the Jhereg leadership and fled. Unfortunately, this thief turns out to be protected in a way that makes it difficult for Vlad to do his job without gaining the permanent enmity of a friend.

The reader also learns more about Vlad's past in this, and in other, lives.

Great Britain circa 1985: time travel is routine, cloning is a reality (dodos are the resurrected pet of choice), and literature is taken very, very seriously. Baconians are trying to convince the world that Francis Bacon really wrote Shakespeare, there are riots between the Surrealists and Impressionists, and thousands of men are named John Milton, an homage to the real Milton and a very confusing situation for the police.

Amidst all this, Acheron Hades, Third Most Wanted Man In the World, steals the original manuscript of Martin Chuzzlewit and kills a minor character, who then disappears from every volume of the novel ever printed! But that's just a prelude... Hades' real target is the beloved Jane Eyre, and it's not long before he plucks her from the pages of Bronte's novel.

Enter Thursday Next. She's the Special Operative's renowned literary detective, and she drives a Porsche. With the help of her uncle Mycroft's Prose Portal, Thursday enters the novel to rescue Jane Eyre from this heinous act of literary homicide. It's tricky business, all these interlopers running about Thornfield, and deceptions run rampant as their paths cross with Jane, Rochester, and Miss Fairfax. Can Thursday save Jane Eyre and Bronte's masterpiece? And what of the Crimean War? Will it ever end? And what about those annoying black holes that pop up now and again, sucking things into time-space voids...

Suspenseful and outlandish, absorbing and fun, The Eyre Affair is a caper unlike any other and an introduction to the imagination of a most distinctive writer and his singular fictional universe.

Feeling Sorry for Celia is a hilariously candid novel that captures the roller coaster ride of being a teenager. Written entirely in the form of letters, messages, postcards, and bizarre missives from imaginary organizations, the book delves into the life of Elizabeth Clarry, whose existence is anything but simple.

Her best friend, Celia, has a habit of disappearing, her father who was absent has now reappeared, and her communication with her mother relies solely on wacky notes left on the fridge. To add to her confusion, Elizabeth's English teacher is determined to revive the art of letter writing, leading to a Complete and Utter Stranger knowing more about her than anyone else.

Elizabeth is on the brink of numerous changes. She might lose her best friend but could find an incredible new one, share a kiss with the sexiest guy alive, and even participate in a marathon. The story goes to show that a lot can happen in the time it takes to write a letter.

Feeling Sorry for Celia is not just a story about teenage life; it sharply captures the essence of female friendship and the moments of bonding and separation that come with growing up. Jaclyn Moriarty's debut is as much fun as it is poignant, offering a vivid reminder of the highs and lows of adolescence.

If we could only put aside our civil pose and say what we really thought, the world would be a lot like the one alluded to in The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. There, a bore is "a person who talks when you wish him to listen," and happiness is "an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."

This is the most comprehensive, authoritative edition ever of Ambrose Bierce’s satiric masterpiece. It renders obsolete all other versions that have appeared in the book’s ninety-year history.

A virtual onslaught of acerbic, confrontational wordplay, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary offers some 1,600 wickedly clever definitions to the vocabulary of everyday life. Little is sacred and few are safe, for Bierce targets just about any pursuit, from matrimony to immortality, that allows our willful failings and excesses to shine forth.

This new edition is based on David E. Schultz and S. T. Joshi’s exhaustive investigation into the book’s writing and publishing history. All of Bierce’s known satiric definitions are here, including previously uncollected, unpublished, and alternative entries. Definitions dropped from previous editions have been restored while nearly two hundred wrongly attributed to Bierce have been excised.

Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary is a classic that stands alongside the best work of satirists such as Twain, Mencken, and Thurber. This unabridged edition will be celebrated by humor fans and word lovers everywhere.

In the wake of unexpected planetary peace and the disappearance of the Dendarii payroll, mercenary captain Miles Naismith attempts to discover the link between the insufferable Captain Galeni and the Komarran rebel expatriates.

For some unexplained reason, the Dendarii payroll is missing and orders from the Barrayaran Imperial Command are being delayed by Miles's superior, Captain Galeni. What connects the impeccable, insufferable Captain Galeni and the Komarran rebel expatriates on Earth anyway?

But the most deadly question of all before Miles is more personal: are Miles's two identities, Admiral Naismith of the Dendarii and Lieutenant Lord Vorkosigan of Barrayar, splitting apart along the lines of his divided loyalties? And who is trying to assassinate which version of him?

When Miles unravels the answers, then the complications really begin.

Since we all eat, we all must poop. All of us! Everyone!

This wonderful, modern-day toddler classic presents information that children both want and need in a refreshingly honest, informative, and age-appropriate way.

It's September 2001 and Arthur Lakelady is a man beset by worries. It seems that his wife, Alys, is infatuated with the home renovator who is working on their new kitchen. His daughter, Gwen, is doing well at school, although with pass marks that often exceed 100%, he worries that her school doesn’t grasp the meaning of percentage. Meanwhile, his son, Lance, might never pass another exam ever again if he doesn’t soon give up sports.

These worries are soon put into perspective when Arthur’s Canadian employer is taken over by Americans, and they replace the local executives in an attempt to introduce their own initiatives. As the world changes around him and he is expected to lead a team at work, Arthur hires a young temp, Lydia, to help him. But Lydia only adds to his worry with her desire to get as up close and personal with him as possible.

And when the madness of the world spills over and thousands are killed in the World Trade Center attack, Arthur looks at the state of the planet and sees that it needs someone who can clear the confusion, make the complex simple, and package it into manageable pieces. It needs a diarist. And right now, the nobody who is Arthur Lakelady might one day become a somebody in the mold of Samuel Pepys.

Make Way for Ducklings is a classic tale that has enchanted generations of readers. This delightful story follows a pair of Mallard ducks who decide to raise their family on an island in the lagoon of the Boston Public Garden, a charming park in the heart of Boston, Massachusetts. The story unfolds with Mrs. Mallard and her eight ducklings—Jack, Kack, Lack, Nack, Ouack, Pack, and Quack—navigating the bustling streets of Boston with a little help from the kind Boston police.

The book, awarded the Caldecott Medal in 1942, is celebrated for its unusual and stunning illustrations by Robert McCloskey, capturing both the humor and beauty of the duckling family's adventure. With its fine large pictures and wealth of detail, the story is as amusing as it is heartwarming.

This book is ideal for reading aloud and deserves a place of honor on every child's bookshelf. It captures the quaint charm of a family's search for the perfect home and is a testament to the enduring appeal of McCloskey's storytelling and artistry.